Ok. Year One. This was a movie I was looking forward to seeing for a while. Produced by Judd Apatow, Lord of all funny, and starring Michael Cera, I thought nothing could go wrong. I had the highest of expectations, and when my expectations are high, I always love those movies. For example, I had high expectations for Spiderman 3, Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Star Wars: Episode 2, Catwoman, Gili, Disaster Movie, Troll 2.....oh shit.
This movie was one of the biggest disappointments of the year. It was stupid and pointless. It lacked the wit, charm, heart, and humor of most Apatow movies, and overall leaves us with no lesson, no happiness, and the feeling like you just watched a bad sitcom with the laugh track removed.
STORY
So Jack Black plays his usual Jack Black character, who is a clumsy hunter who is bad at stuff. Michael Cera plays a Micheal Cera character who is awkward and bad at stuff. Jack Black eats from he tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and gets tossed out of the tribe. Cera tags along. They come across Cain and Abel (David Cross and Paul Rudd). Cain kills Abel (hope i didn't spoil the twist of the whole movie) and travels with Black and Cera. Cain sells them into slavery but then the slave traders are killed by the Romans. (gotta love the historical accuracy). They escape and meet up with Abraham and Isaac (Hank Azaria and Christopher Mintz-Plasse). Then they leave and go to Sodom and hilarity ensues (or rather it would, if the movie was funny).
So right off the bat, there is the premise. Bad idea. There is material for funniness, but it just seems like something that would be made in the early 90's. Nowadays, we have learned our lesson. Almost all of the best comedies don't have some ridiculous setting, and instead are funny because of the dialogue and characters (All Apatow movies, I Love You Man, The Hangover). But this movie fails to have any remotely good dialogue since it is PG-13. Even worse is that the movie was rated R and cut down to be PG-13. Even with all that this movie fails to have good editing to hide that stuff has been cut out. editing had to be pretty bad for me to complain about it. Example: Cera's character is getting strangled by the snake at the tree. Jack Black is being Jack Black and Michael Cera is slowly dying. Then the movie cuts to the two talking. No snake is ever mentioned again (except for Jack Black's penis, which of course can only be brought up metaphorically since the movie is PG-13). There are also parts of the movie where conversations just end. Its clear that there is R-rated material that we are being robbed from, and they don't even hide it.
Next problem: No plot. Really. there isn't one. Many comedies get away with a thin plot, but this has nothing. Nothing at all. All of there motivation is that they want to get the girl (or in the case of Oliver Platt's character, get Michael Cera). Seriously, they leave the tribe to prove themselves to the ladies. They get sold into slavery in an attempt to save the ladies. They go to Sodom to get with the ladies. Christ, porn movies have more plot! (but equal amounts of penis metaphors). Also, I didn't want the characters to win. First thing was that there was no conflict, so there was nothing to be resolved (seriously, do u need to go back to mount plot?!). The other thing was that they weren't good people. You have Cain, who murders Paul Rudd.The other two are clumsy stupid characters who just want to get laid (but they had a lovable personality in all of the other Apatow flicks). So join me as we further analyze these pointless characters.
CHARACTERS
Jack Black as Zed. It's times like these, that a certain Bruce Willis quote comes to mind.
Michael Cera as Oh. This is what happens when typecasting is taken to far. I was hoping for some amusement coming from Cera's awkward character but it ended up just being annoying and overdone. He has at least some non-awkward moments in Juno and Arrested Development. I guess I still liked Cera the most of the actors in this, but that's not saying much since everyone did terribly.
Oliver Platt as the High Priest. This is bad. Very Bad. Platt plays an almost King Herod-like character (and for whatever reason, in all movies with Herod, he is portrayed as overly-flamboyant. Never understood why.) Most of Platts line are delivered in a way that seem to expect a laugh after being said, but fall flat. By the end, you would think I would be happy that Platt's character dies, and the movie is rid of his annoying actions and unoriginal jokes, but since there was no plot at all, I didn't care. the only time I was surprised at all was when the movie ended. Since there was no climax or resolution, there was no way of knowing when it would end. The credits just sorta started rolling. But I digress.
A bunch of women as a bunch of women. Now I believe that sexist jokes are fun. But shit! This movie was sexist without any jokes. The women served no purpose except to be motivation for the male characters. Thats right. The women are actually treated like objects 9the only thing historically accurate for the time). But the women are always captured, the women never have any of the scenes, the women never have any jokes, and they end up just being the goal that the men inevitably achieve. This served as another reason for me to hate the main characters. They don't care about the women, they just want to get laid.
OVERALL
Shit this was bad! This was the only time I saw a movie in theaters where I booed at the end. And the worst part was the end. Here is is. All the bad guys die, with there last words being: a poor gay joke, words that may or may not have even been a joke, and a mindless grumble. Jack Black has a monologue to make thing aparently have some sort of resolution and then the girl just suddenly loves him know. Everyone parts ways and then Jack Black is about to go to Egypt and his new wife kisses him and he says "I love that woman"...CREDITS...WHAT?! the only conceivable joke to come from that is that the movie realized its sexism and made a joke about it, which would be even worse because then they would be promoting sexism!
This movie did nothing with the already bad premise it had. It could poked fun at a ton of ancient cultures, but the closest thing we get is a single circumcision joke that is used multiple times. I even thought as the movie was wrapping up "well, they had done nothing so far, but they have yet to reach a climax. Oh, Jack Black is going to Egypt. I guess there we will have some laughs, meet interesting characters and maybe the movie will redeem- why are the credits rolling?!'.
This movie sucks. Is it worse then Wolverine? Yes. Wolverine had good acting and cool action. This movie should learn a lesson from Wolverine and they should try to SEW JACK BLACK'S MOUTH SHUT! Is it worse then Wolverine? Yes. Wolverine had decent acting and cool action. Is it worse than say...Plan 9 from Outer Space? Only time will tell.
Rating: 1/10
This movie was one of the biggest disappointments of the year. It was stupid and pointless. It lacked the wit, charm, heart, and humor of most Apatow movies, and overall leaves us with no lesson, no happiness, and the feeling like you just watched a bad sitcom with the laugh track removed.
STORY
So Jack Black plays his usual Jack Black character, who is a clumsy hunter who is bad at stuff. Michael Cera plays a Micheal Cera character who is awkward and bad at stuff. Jack Black eats from he tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and gets tossed out of the tribe. Cera tags along. They come across Cain and Abel (David Cross and Paul Rudd). Cain kills Abel (hope i didn't spoil the twist of the whole movie) and travels with Black and Cera. Cain sells them into slavery but then the slave traders are killed by the Romans. (gotta love the historical accuracy). They escape and meet up with Abraham and Isaac (Hank Azaria and Christopher Mintz-Plasse). Then they leave and go to Sodom and hilarity ensues (or rather it would, if the movie was funny).
So right off the bat, there is the premise. Bad idea. There is material for funniness, but it just seems like something that would be made in the early 90's. Nowadays, we have learned our lesson. Almost all of the best comedies don't have some ridiculous setting, and instead are funny because of the dialogue and characters (All Apatow movies, I Love You Man, The Hangover). But this movie fails to have any remotely good dialogue since it is PG-13. Even worse is that the movie was rated R and cut down to be PG-13. Even with all that this movie fails to have good editing to hide that stuff has been cut out. editing had to be pretty bad for me to complain about it. Example: Cera's character is getting strangled by the snake at the tree. Jack Black is being Jack Black and Michael Cera is slowly dying. Then the movie cuts to the two talking. No snake is ever mentioned again (except for Jack Black's penis, which of course can only be brought up metaphorically since the movie is PG-13). There are also parts of the movie where conversations just end. Its clear that there is R-rated material that we are being robbed from, and they don't even hide it.
Next problem: No plot. Really. there isn't one. Many comedies get away with a thin plot, but this has nothing. Nothing at all. All of there motivation is that they want to get the girl (or in the case of Oliver Platt's character, get Michael Cera). Seriously, they leave the tribe to prove themselves to the ladies. They get sold into slavery in an attempt to save the ladies. They go to Sodom to get with the ladies. Christ, porn movies have more plot! (but equal amounts of penis metaphors). Also, I didn't want the characters to win. First thing was that there was no conflict, so there was nothing to be resolved (seriously, do u need to go back to mount plot?!). The other thing was that they weren't good people. You have Cain, who murders Paul Rudd.The other two are clumsy stupid characters who just want to get laid (but they had a lovable personality in all of the other Apatow flicks). So join me as we further analyze these pointless characters.
CHARACTERS
Jack Black as Zed. It's times like these, that a certain Bruce Willis quote comes to mind.
Michael Cera as Oh. This is what happens when typecasting is taken to far. I was hoping for some amusement coming from Cera's awkward character but it ended up just being annoying and overdone. He has at least some non-awkward moments in Juno and Arrested Development. I guess I still liked Cera the most of the actors in this, but that's not saying much since everyone did terribly.
Oliver Platt as the High Priest. This is bad. Very Bad. Platt plays an almost King Herod-like character (and for whatever reason, in all movies with Herod, he is portrayed as overly-flamboyant. Never understood why.) Most of Platts line are delivered in a way that seem to expect a laugh after being said, but fall flat. By the end, you would think I would be happy that Platt's character dies, and the movie is rid of his annoying actions and unoriginal jokes, but since there was no plot at all, I didn't care. the only time I was surprised at all was when the movie ended. Since there was no climax or resolution, there was no way of knowing when it would end. The credits just sorta started rolling. But I digress.
A bunch of women as a bunch of women. Now I believe that sexist jokes are fun. But shit! This movie was sexist without any jokes. The women served no purpose except to be motivation for the male characters. Thats right. The women are actually treated like objects 9the only thing historically accurate for the time). But the women are always captured, the women never have any of the scenes, the women never have any jokes, and they end up just being the goal that the men inevitably achieve. This served as another reason for me to hate the main characters. They don't care about the women, they just want to get laid.
OVERALL
Shit this was bad! This was the only time I saw a movie in theaters where I booed at the end. And the worst part was the end. Here is is. All the bad guys die, with there last words being: a poor gay joke, words that may or may not have even been a joke, and a mindless grumble. Jack Black has a monologue to make thing aparently have some sort of resolution and then the girl just suddenly loves him know. Everyone parts ways and then Jack Black is about to go to Egypt and his new wife kisses him and he says "I love that woman"...CREDITS...WHAT?! the only conceivable joke to come from that is that the movie realized its sexism and made a joke about it, which would be even worse because then they would be promoting sexism!
This movie did nothing with the already bad premise it had. It could poked fun at a ton of ancient cultures, but the closest thing we get is a single circumcision joke that is used multiple times. I even thought as the movie was wrapping up "well, they had done nothing so far, but they have yet to reach a climax. Oh, Jack Black is going to Egypt. I guess there we will have some laughs, meet interesting characters and maybe the movie will redeem- why are the credits rolling?!'.
This movie sucks. Is it worse then Wolverine? Yes. Wolverine had good acting and cool action. This movie should learn a lesson from Wolverine and they should try to SEW JACK BLACK'S MOUTH SHUT! Is it worse then Wolverine? Yes. Wolverine had decent acting and cool action. Is it worse than say...Plan 9 from Outer Space? Only time will tell.
Rating: 1/10
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